You Are Not Really Sorry if You Doo It Again
Written by Writer'south Corps fellow member Emily Desanctis
"I'thousand sorry" carries a lot of weight when it's genuine. Proverb it requires vulnerability to acknowledge wrongdoing and the injure that that wrongdoing has inflicted on the person you're apologizing to. To be truly pitiful ways feeling regret or sorrow over an unfortunate situation and your role in it. But in unhealthy relationships, people oftentimes say, "I'chiliad sorry" not to express 18-carat regret; instead, they utilise it to manipulate their significant other. In such cases, these words hateful something else entirely, including the following 5 possible meanings and their synonyms.
1. A declaration fabricated out of selfishness
Synonym: I don't desire to feel guilty anymore
I feel guilty because of what happened, and guilt isn't a skilful feeling. I'm proverb that I'yard sorry to brand myself feel improve, not yous.
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2. A means to end a dispute that the apologizer would prefer to avoid, frequently for lack of caring
Synonym: This conversation is over
I'm tired and bored with this disagreement and so I'm using these words to end it. I probably don't believe it or don't care enough to get to the real upshot and and then I'll say this, and so you'll end pressing for more. It may seem that I'thousand submitting to your point hither, only in fact, I'm using this phrase to avoid doing so.
3. A method of appeasement to control some other person
Synonym: I'one thousand in command
I'yard telling y'all what you want to hear not because I mean it, just considering I know it will gratify y'all and then permit me to pull your strings as I desire. If I don't say it, in that location'due south a high likelihood of some outcome occurring that I don't want to happen—maybe you'll end talking to me or leave me home alone while you go out with your friends or break up with me for expert. "I'm pitiful" is merely a tool I pull out from my toolbox to foreclose these things from happening.
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4. A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect total responsibility to that other person; commonly said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and ofttimes followed past an explicit or implicit "…but this is really your fault"
Synonym: yous should be sorry
I wanted to hurt you lot and I did exactly what I knew would do so. Merely y'all started it—like ever, you did something to make me upset: you weren't where you said you'd be, you smiled at that stranger in an overtly flirtatious way, you lot took besides long to reply to my text. Even though you might pretend that yous didn't mean to hurt me, I know that'due south a lie. This is really your fault; in fact, you should be apologizing to me.
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v. A means of furthering the test of how far the apologizer can push the other person's boundaries and get abroad with it
Synonym: I'thousand testing you
I know what volition hurt you and I exercise information technology with pleasure. I'm testing yous to see what I can become abroad with—to see what you'll put up with and what y'all won't. "I'thousand sorry" is just something I say before I do this again—maybe the same verbal fashion, or perchance slightly differently. Don't worry, over time you'll become desensitized to this; it will simply be "normal," and and then I'll continue to push button farther and so I can provoke you to react and keep myself entertained.
The hidden significant behind any disingenuous "I'm pitiful" is the aforementioned: I'yard not really sorry because you deserve it. This is the lie that manipulators who lavish false apologies spread.
But no 1 deserves to exist harmed, whether physically, emotionally, or with words. If your partner keeps telling you "I'm pitiful" and yous keep to feel worse, lookout man their actions. Are they really acting like someone who regrets what they've done, or are they doing it again, or mayhap in a slightly different manner? When it comes to determining if you lot're in a human relationship with a healthy partner, what they practise is more than important than what they say.
Source: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/what-im-sorry-means-when-its-used-to-manipulate-you/
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